A recent study tells us what we already imagined…that you have the best shot at “staying sharp” is late life if you exercise (at the low threshold of once per week…), don’t smoke, are educated, and participate in social activities.
June 10, 2009 by Anne Basting
A recent study tells us what we already imagined…that you have the best shot at “staying sharp” is late life if you exercise (at the low threshold of once per week…), don’t smoke, are educated, and participate in social activities.
Non Pharma Ans. to Staying Sharp led me to share my personal experience entitled:
Focus on the Now Point of Time
For the first time in my life, —my mother does not know me.
For the past five years mom has been suffering with Alzheimer’s and lives in a rest home nearby. Every day my husband Roger and I have visited her and have taken her for scenic rides, sitting by the lake or sharing tea. These outings have been a special family ritual that helped sustain her quality of life and provided much needed sensory stimulation.
Equally important, we received the satisfaction of knowing that she looked forward to our times together. Each day she would look up, greet us with a big smile, take my hand and say: “ I am so glad you are here. – Let’s go out and do something.”
Typically, she would add… “and. . maybe we can make a visit to church”. Spirituality has been an anchor in her life both in good times and bad. Despite her illness her spiritual connection continues to bring her comfort and a sense of wellbeing. Many days when I was at work, my husband, Roger and mom would go on their own mini retreats. This included stopping by the church to say a prayer. They both found something peaceful and healing in the stillness of St Patrick’s Church sanctuary.
Last December, Mom turned 100 years old. Even then, she was able to walk without a cane and chat about the simple joys of nature, trees, sunshine, clouds and changing weather. I often joked that she is my best teacher on Mindfulness Meditation. Despite her Alzheimer’s, she has continued to teach me to appreciate the power of the present moment. During our car rides, she always notices the size and shades of the green leaved trees and the beauty of a blue sky. I remember, when I was a teenager, Mom was always learning, and had taken a public speaking course. A favorite quote she learned there has become an integral part of her life. I can still recall her telling me: – “Focus on the Now Point of Time.”
On July 20, 2009, the now point of time took on a different significance. It will long live in my memory. After returning from a few days vacation, – my husband and I were both shocked to find that my mom has “lost” all memory of us. In that moment , my heart dropped, my head was spinning, and we too felt “lost”.– It was as if suddenly Roger and I were erased in the plaque and tangles of this disease. We had lost a piece of our own identities as daughter and son- in- law.
She had no idea who we were or that we are married. She has forgotten entirely that we have been coming to see her daily for the past five years. It was heart wrenching to hear her ask me who I am, if I know where her daughter is and why her daughter never comes to visit.
She lost all connection to my face, my identity and my voice.
She is entering a new place in her journey. This marks the loss of life as we knew it. The transition symbolizes a permanent change in my role as her only child and her daughter … and it signifies a major shift in our relationship.
Professionally, I am well versed in the symptoms of Alzheimer’s. I knew that this could happen one day, but I was not fully prepared for the emotional impact of becoming a total stranger to my own mother.
These changes are further evidence that the disease is now progressing full scale. It is taking even the smallest consolations we had as caregivers and she had as an Alzheimer’s victim.
Unless someone has had personal experience with a family member with dementia, – it is difficult to imagine the heartbreak it creates and the amount of emotional readjustment it demands from both the care giver and patient.
An expert from the Alzheimer’s Association told me that the best way to approach our visits now is to avoid making any reference to being her daughter unless she brings it up. I do not mention that I have been there to see her before. In spite of my the deep personal pain , I believe it is important to confront the reality of her situation and not walk away at a time she is most vulnerable. As hard as it is to accept, I have found that my biggest life lessons come through my most difficult challenges.
Right now , I am trying to focus on the calmness and comfort I can bring to her. I cherish and savor the momentary glimpses of the loving woman I have known throughout my life. In our daily rides, she still notices the natural beauty of the sky and trees. Her gift to me is still a reminder to be fully present in the simple blessings around us.
We have let go of the need for roles and titles. We are now just two pilgrims on this journey and our focus is to relate purely at the heart level.
As a homage to my mom and her legacy, I offer this hope and prayer to all mothers and daughters–
May you never have to take this life changing journey.
May you not put off making time for those you love and
May you always remember to cherish and appreciate one another–
—While you can.
(c) all rights reserved. Author; Mary Muir, M.Ed. Mind Body Therapist, Reiki Practitioner and Expressive Arts Educator and Facilitator
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